i can’t get in lifts with people because i have a sort of phobia of breathing in people’s breath
and when i got asked what was wrong by my law teacher (she thought i looked ill)
I had to fucking reply “I prefer people when they’re not breathing”
YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL IF:
- you have a body
- that’s it
- you’re beautiful
- you win
Kanye walks outside in the middle of a hurricane. He glances up at the sky and whispers “Fuck no.”
The sky immediately clears and flowers spring from wherever Kanye’s feet touch the ground.
Kim and Kanye sit by the fire. Suddenly, ‘Ye surprises Kim by pulling a small black box out of his pocket.
"Oh Kanye! I’ve been waiting so long for this!" Kim exclaims.
"Me too" Kanye says as he takes out the ring and puts it on his finger. "It catches the light perfectly!" he says.
The rest of the night Kim silently sobs as Kanye gazes in wonder at the ring while using her as a foot stool.